Amazingly Blessed

I look at my little miracle and cannot believe I was chosen to be her mother. I am in awe with having such a beautiful spirit in our home. Even having a little Angel in Heaven brings me joy and makes me want to be better so that I can be with her again someday. Of course I have moments of feeling overwhelmed when she has been sick, or moments of stress when she cries cause her gums hurt from teething but the feeling of thankfulness and joy come to me when she has learned something new. I love that feeling.

I've realized that not all parents are like that. It breaks my heart hear a parent say that their children are an inconvenience to them or send them to their room just to get them out of their hair. To know that not all parents read to their children, color with their children, take them to the park, have conversations with their children, snuggle with their children. It is so unfair and sad when there are infertile couples out there who want nothing more than to do those things with a child and cannot. I've always dreamed of having a house full of kids running around, but with the 3 high risk pregnancies that I've had, changes those plans. I have had to have a change of heart about a house full of kids. I've realized that it's okay.

I want my girls to know just how much I loved them. I know that at times, things will be stressful with having kids but isn't that what life is all about. Heavenly Father said that it wouldn't be easy but it would be worth it. Recently, I finished Natalie's 5th scrapbook. Yes, I know that seems like a lot for her 1st year of life. I wanted to capture every moment. I look at the 3 journals that I have for her, I love going back and reading about her first month of life in the NICU, what joy she has brought to us in our lives. She is truly our little miracle. I am so Thankful that she was blessed in our home.

There are times when I think to myself, Heavenly Father blessed her with me? But why? Sometimes, I feel that she is too precious to be my daughter. Heck, I run into walls, make mistakes, leave things out that shouldn't be left out but I know that these things really don't matter in big picture. I've realized that what really matters is the Love. I know that when I read, color, go to the park, have conversations with them and snuggle I am showing them that I Love them. Isn't that a great feeling? I want my girls to grow up knowing, and feeling that they were loved by such wonderful parents.